Do you ever go to either business or social events and feel overwhelmed by the mass of unknown individuals?  Do all those strangers chatting away feel intimidating?  Some of us just love getting to know strangers, and some of us don't even know where to start with this whole "networking" process.  Whether it is a business gathering or a personal social event, meeting new people can stress us out.  And what do we often do when we're stressed?  Eat!

So, while feeling out of your element, wondering what to say and to whom, the food and/or drink seems like a great idea.  It gives you something to do, somewhere to go, and is a great technique to "look" engaged while really being checked out from the social arena.  Been there, done that?

Here are a few tips for networking that will keep you engaged and away from the corn fritters and puff pastries.

1.  Look at each opportunity to meet someone new as an opportunity to learn something new.  Each of us has remarkable life stories and is just waiting to share them with a good listener.  So,

2.  Learn to ask questions.  As you approach someone you don't yet know, think what questions you might ask them that give you information about their life.  Remember that there are the basic categories of questions that we don't ask - religion, income level, politics, etc.  That leaves about a gazillion areas that we can ask strangers about.  

3.  Ask open-ended questions that leads the person to a thoughtful answer.  Open-ended questions start with who, what, where, when and why.  So, your conversation can start off with:  "Who do you know here that brought you to this group?  What is your connection to this event?  What do you like about the organization?"  These questions will lead you to more and more questions.

4.  The more you chat with someone, the more likely you'll find common interests, common friends, and common likes and dislikes.  Keep asking questions until you find a place to jump in with your own thoughts.  Your new friend will feel so appreciated that you're showing interest in them that they will think you are a remarkable conversationalist and not even realize that they are doing 90% of the talking!

5.  Some safe areas of conversation relate to home, travel, work, pets, hobbies, restaurants, sports, family, and general non-political issues.  Within a few minutes, you'll find that you are learning quite a lot about this person, how they think and what they like and don't like about things.  

6.  Look at each engagement with strangers with a sort of natural curiosity.  Take interest in them, and they in turn will take interest in you.

7. Then, when those hors d'oeuvres start being passed around, you'll be so busy chatting with your new buddies that you won't care to fill your time with those little bites.

I put this conversation starter into practice just the other day.  As a Weight Watchers Ambassador, and as new member of the San Rafael Chamber of Commerce, I attended my first "mixer" on Wednesday evening.  I knew only the Chamber individuals who first signed us up - no one else.  The food looked remarkable, and I saw everyone with a glass of wine.

I put on my name tag, told myself that I was not going to hide out at the food table. but was there to meet as many people as possible in the limited time that I was there.  

Every single person I met was warm, helpful, welcoming and so interesting.  I learned so much about each person that I spoke with that we really did get to know one another.  I learned about their businesses and how we could network our organziations, I learned about how long they had been doing their current line of work, what brought them to that line of work, their likes and dislikes about a variety of topics, and made a few friends along the way.

And, I did not eat a bite of the food or drink the wine.  Nada!

I felt truly elated at making these new friends and being so engaged the whole time without feeling like the food table would keep me busy.  And, as a person who used to hide behind food at any and every event in my past life, I know that if I can make this switch, anyone can.

So, instead of saying "eat, drink and be merry," I say "go with a list of questions and a natural curiousity."  You will be busier than ever before and keep your waistline in check at the same time.