Dual-armed & Dangerous Comic Betsy Salkind to bring Timely Tonight Show-Tested Comedy & Squirrel Culture to Valley

San Geronimo – The LA Examiner offers the daunting warning, “bring prescription pain killers”, that potential attendees of Betsy Salkind’s comedy show October 5th at San Geronimo Valley Community Center may want to heed. The august publication issued the warning after their qualitative observations indicated a high risk of uncontrolled bouts of pain-inducing laughter, which they linked to Salkind’s alleged “keen intelligence”. Salkind reacted quickly to assure the public that her shows are completely safe and issued a statement that “comedy is a potent anti-depressant” to which a harried sounding SGVCC events programmer Hannah Doress followed up, “just because the audience is helpless on the floor, it doesn’t mean they aren’t happy.”

This type of controversy is nothing new for Betsy Salkind  , who has a record a mile long for impersonation of characters. As a writer for the sitcom Roseanne, she was accused of “…putting words in our mouths” by well-known actors such as Sara Gilbert. She alarmed millions of Showtime viewers in Fierce, Funny Women, showed clearly anti-social behavior as a founder of the Terrorist Bridesmaids (4 comediennes determined to get a second use out of those dresses) and was staff writer for the ominously titled Saturday Night Special. It’s no wonder she was a member of the Guilty Children Improv Troupe.  

If this wasn’t proof enough that Betsy Salkind is a danger to the public, recent revelations indicate she was also a Federal Reserve Bank Examiner and may have insights to share that “will not give anyone more faith in the economy”. Even rodent advocates have attacked her, questioning the ethics of her nationally-famous and uncanny squirrel impressions which may be “putting talented squirrels out of work”.  Further, family values crusaders are not laughing at Salkind’s controversial biblical interpretation, “When God said be fruitful and multiply, there were only two people," in her No Kidding: Women Writers on Bypassing Parenthood essay, nor at those by fellow known rabble rousers Margaret Cho and Amy Stiller.

Betsy Salkind should be considered dual-armed and dangerous – even the Boston Globe accuses her of “knowing countless ways to make someone laugh”. We ask all local residents to think depressing thoughts and sit home alone as the only possible defense against the most serious comedic threat to hit our sheltered vale in years. For those who are ready to join us on the front lines to face Salkind when she appears at San Geronimo Valley Community Center, we urge you to step forward and register as soon as possible. Thank you for your support in these dark and dangerous times.

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In real life tickets are selling rapidly for this show which has been tweeted by Roseanne Barr, included in Leah Garchik's SF Chronicle Column and been made a best bet by the Marin IJ. Advance ticket purchase highly recommended. Net proceeds support the San Geronimo Valley Community Center Food Bank, serving hundreds each week. Plus special guest - award-winning comic Aundre the Wonderwoman!